Should I Stay or Should I Go?

A ten days visit back home, to friends, family and pets can definitely make you feel yourself again.

At first, you don’t really feel much about coming home for a holiday. You don’t have time to think, among preparations for the trip and all sorts of logistic details.

Then you finally have some time to breathe after visits, lunches and conversations and you start wondering…

Why did I even leave? Everything is so much better and easier at home. There is sunny weather, nature and freedom. A feeling of belonging that never went away (and possibly never will). A joy of being yourself, even if still slightly confused and disappointed in yourself.

Was I even depressed back in London? If everything feels better at home, maybe the problem is not with me entirely, but with the place I chose to live in.

Do most people feel this way? There are so many expats who built a life in a different country, away from friends and family, who are apparently content with their choice. Many of them say that they would come back to their country if they could have a decent life there. Others declare they have found a home where they are and that they will never go back. There is a lot of disappointment and sadness in their answer.

Will I go back? Most probably, yes. This trip back home made me realize that I chose to leave my country mainly for my relationship. I never have dreams of getting rich or becoming someone else entirely. I left because my partner wanted a better job and I thought we could start a “new life”. But when the relationship seems to be failing, things become more clear.